Notions of an unemployed heart

Conflicted emotions surround my heart
My brain stops to think
My eyes sore red wondering all night
Did not sleep a wink
I want this; I want all of that,
The world of truth and lies,
Oh calm is not near me anymore,
The heart of mine like a baby cries
No sorrowful moans, nor tears of joy
It’s the lament of the confused
The worry of the path ahead
And sorrow for the life already used
The path so unclear, dull and lonely
Scares me to the core
I love him, I love him not
Oh yeah I am, I am a heart whore
For Two seconds I think of what I just said
And then smile to me aloud
Then the memory of each passing day
Does my memory cloud!
I scribble, I dabble, I scream, I babble
Life is just so wasted on nothing
They days goes by, the night comes out shy
Should I just start to sing?
Yeah I didn’t get a rhyming word
I know how you all think
I could have used a more suitable word
Instead of using sing for nothing
I look around; trust me not a sound,
Just tick tock of the clock
The moving fan looks down on me
Then laughs and then mock
I know I can do a lot
It’s the time to win the war
Then I laze and sleep and think aloud
But doomsday ain’t that far.
So why work and waste your time
When sleep is at your beck and call
Judge me all if you want to
In your court oh world is the ball!!

You and Me,NO future, Just History

In the oblivion which is your past life
I will fade away like old white
The skies will be blue,
The sun will still shine,
All will be d same
Except you won’t be mine
The cloudless skies will cry
The mourning widow will smile
When you will look back
And think for me a while
The eyes will be old,
The wrinkles added,
A few years down the line,
My memory faded
The beach walks,
The candles burnt
The nights in each other’s arms
Every second spent
The hurried kisses,
The tight embraces,
Stolen in the light
Hiding amongst the faces.
Everything wiped out
Will seem a dream
The darkness of the thought
Makes me scream
The rules don’t keep us together
To break them is not a choice
Lost in all this chaos,
I think I just lost my voice
With a life together not an option
I let it all go
May I be forgotten
If you want to
So Live me while you can
And let me live you
Till life leaves me
And love leaves you

Silent Fading

What the hell I wonder, the nail paint from my freshly manicured nails is already chipping off, darn that manicurist, she sure the hell didn’t know what she was doing. The bloody dark black bitch. After all it was worth a lot. I just don’t get a manicure every day you know. Yeah I am cynical, over bored and frustrated with life. Taking out faults with people, bitching about any random person to an invisible audience is what I am best at now days.

I am easily influenced as any one paying even a bit of attention to me makes me feel loved, wanted and everything that’s missing in my life. I use the F-work or hell I use the work fuck a lot and honestly don’t care the fuck about it. Well I am fat, no, not fat, fat are those pregnant ladies, I am a bit obese, not pretty anymore with those crow’s feet forming at my eyes and definitely not a sight for sore eyes, and you know what I really don’t care about that. I don’t care about those who don’t care about me. Hell I think I myself don’t care about me. I am not sixteen anymore and neither have that sexy-to-die-for-waist to fill up those fuckers’ imagination. I am just an old forty year old virgin. I know you must be thinking it’s the title of that stupid movie which finally had a happy ending, but trust me I know my life is no movie, I ain’t getting any oh-so-charming or even just any man to love me for not how I look or behave but for the inner beauty of mine. Ah! I don’t even think it exists anymore. With time everything wears off. Just about everything. Life I tell you.

It’s no bed of roses and for a woman who won’t sleep without any wooing with the male population she meets, well for her it surely isn’t. I don’t care now if I look good or not, I really don’t care if those pan stricken teeth are not leered at me anymore. I really don’t care if there is no groping of my assets in the crowded stations. Life somehow feels easy, you don’t expect anything from anyone and neither does anyone expect anything from you. Suits me just fine.

I know it won’t make a difference if I just disappear, it really won’t. It won’t hurt anyone if I go missing or die, just like the blood trickling down my wrist doesn’t hurt me. It doesn’t make much of a difference. I do feel a bit woozy but so what, just feels like the wine has gone to my head. My vision’s blurring, but it’s not like anyone will cry when I am gone. Ah! Fuck it; I am done living for no one so it’s better to just die for myself.

Silent Fading

What the hell I wonder, the nail paint from my freshly manicured nails is already chipping off, darn that manicurist, she sure the hell didn’t know what she was doing. The bloody dark black bitch. After all it was worth a lot. I just don’t get a manicure every day you know. Yeah I am cynical, over bored and frustrated with life. Taking out faults with people, bitching about any random person to an invisible audience is what I am best at now days.

I am easily influenced as any one paying even a bit of attention to me makes me feel loved, wanted and everything that’s missing in my life. I use the F-work or hell I use the work fuck a lot and honestly don’t care the fuck about it. Well I am fat, no, not fat, fat are those pregnant ladies, I am a bit obese, not pretty anymore with those crow’s feet forming at my eyes and definitely not a sight for sore eyes, and you know what I really don’t care about that. I don’t care about those who don’t care about me. Hell I think I myself don’t care about me. I am not sixteen anymore and neither have that sexy-to-die-for-waist to fill up those fuckers’ imagination. I am just an old forty year old virgin. I know you must be thinking it’s the title of that stupid movie which finally had a happy ending, but trust me I know my life is no movie, I ain’t getting any oh-so-charming or even just any man to love me for not how I look or behave but for the inner beauty of mine. Ah! I don’t even think it exists anymore. With time everything wears off. Just about everything. Life I tell you.

It’s no bed of roses and for a woman who won’t sleep without any wooing with the male population she meets, well for her it surely isn’t. I don’t care now if I look good or not, I really don’t care if those pan stricken teeth are not leered at me anymore. I really don’t care if there is no groping of my assets in the crowded stations. Life somehow feels easy, you don’t expect anything from anyone and neither does anyone expect anything from you. Suits me just fine.

I know it won’t make a different if I just disappear, it really won’t. It won’t hurt anyone if I go missing or die, just like the blood trickling down my wrist doesn’t hurt me. It doesn’t make much of a difference. I do feel a bit woozy but so what, just feels like the wine has gone to my head. My vision’s blurring, but it’s not like anyone will cry when I am gone. Ah! Fuck it; I am done living for no one so it’s better to just die for myself.